We humans spend a lot of time wishing for things we will never have, wondering why things never turn out just the way we want, and asking all the wrong questions. “If I got a promotion,” “If I only had a new car or truck,” and “If I had better friends” are all questions that do not have the answers we think we want. We tend to think if we could find the right answers, we would be happier, find peace, and live happily ever after. Some psychologists call this thinking the “arrival fallacy.” Proverbs tells us that what seems right to man will usually end in death.
This arrival fallacy rears up when we think we can instruct our family or friends to do what we want them to do. To keep peace, they may actually go along with our skewed ideas, but it will not end the way we think it should. Isaiah 5:2 talks about the owner of the winery stating: “He dug it and cleared it of stones and planted it with choice vines; he built a watchtower in the midst of it and hewed out a wine vat in it; and he looked for it to yield grapes, but it yielded wild grapes.”
If a person gets caught up in the arrival fallacy, they will suffer from constant disappointment when the results are not what they wanted. This will cause a loss of motivation. This constant loss will eventually cause damage to a person’s self-esteem and self-respect. This lowered self-respect and self-esteem can damage relationships with family, friends, and co-workers. Jeremiah 8:15 describes this, stating, “We looked for peace, but no good came; for a time of healing, but behold, terror.”
Albert Einstein is often credited with saying, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” There is no direct proof he said it, but it sounds good to give him the credit. Paul in Galatians tells us not to mock God, telling us, “For whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.”
Haggai 1:9 states, “You looked for much, and behold, it came to little. And when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? declares the Lord of hosts. Because of my house that lies in ruins, each of you busies himself with his own house.” God is telling us to help rebuild His house before we worry about our own. Not putting God first is another guarantee of disappointment. When we try to fix our lives or the lives around us without calling on God, we show a weakness we cannot survive. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” So how do we regain our self-worth and self-respect after allowing the arrival fallacy to control us? Psychologists, psychiatrists, clergy, and medical professionals suggest several areas to concentrate on. Take a sincere, honest inventory of your current situation, and never go backward. If someone is trying to pull you out of the pits, do not try to pull them in with you. Redefine what true success looks like and whether your goal is realistic. If you are four feet tall, you probably will never play professional basketball. Find what actually makes you happy and pursue it. Surround yourself with successful, happy people because they will rub off on you if you give them a chance. Ambition and strong willpower matter, but a pure heart and gratitude matter more for long-term success. Remember, we have choices to make. Do better or be satisfied. We should never just be satisfied; we can always do better. First Peter 5:7 tells us, “Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”