Matthew 6:14-15 states, ‘For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Forgive is a verb that means to grant forgiveness. Forgiveness is a noun that means the state of being forgiven. Both forgive and forgiveness are similar yet different. Both are associated with letting go of resentment, anger, and ill feelings toward a circumstance or an event. One is given and the other is received. Forgiving someone of transgression feels good, honorable, and maybe self-serving. Being forgiven sometimes feels awkward and uncomfortable, but it is always welcome. We are told in Ephesians to be kind to one another and to forgive each other as God forgave us. So why is it so difficult to truly forgive?
From the outset, we have required both giving and receiving forgiveness. It is essential to remember that God does not select the qualified but instead qualifies those He chooses. Recall the saying highlighting how Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, and David had an affair. David, Moses, and Paul committed murder, Noah struggled with drinking, and the list goes on. Many biblical figures greatly needed divine forgiveness. Psalms describes this in chapter 103:10-12, “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”
Can we truly remove ourselves from circumstances that require forgiveness? Can we or should we try to forget the circumstances surrounding the need to forgive? If we cannot remove ourselves from the anxiety and ill feelings, can we truly forgive? Alcoholics Anonymous is credited with coming up with the saying, “Holding onto anger (not forgiving) is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” We carry enough baggage around without carrying the troubles of others. Can we forgive without forgetting what caused the problem? It can be argued that trying to ignore or forget a transgression is not wise. What if that person stays in your life and can make new transgressions? We should make every effort to forgive, but it is probably equally important that we not forget. Self-preservation, self-esteem, and self-respect are equally important. Forgiveness does not erase bad memories, but it does heal the heart. Forgive, set boundaries, create empathy and compassion, but keep up your guard. At some point, your forgiveness will turn into gratitude for the learning experience. Luke 6:37 says, “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
One of the hardest things about forgiveness is forgiving ourselves for what we have said and done. We have to remember that forgiveness is a decision and a process. We chose to wear a red shirt, we chose what to eat, and we chose to forgive or not to forgive. Once we have decided what to wear, what to eat, and whether to forgive, we have to start accomplishing the task. Forgiving ourselves seems to be much harder than forgiving others. Our self-respect and self-worth play a significant part in the process. We are often our worst detractors, allowing the inner voice of shame and regret to control the outcome. Many times, we balk at the idea of having to forgive. The process of allowing things to let go over and over again is uncomfortable and distasteful. But it becomes much easier if we allow God to participate. So, how many times must we forgive? Matthew 18:21-22 states, “Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
When we have trouble forgiving, we often give in to sins worse than the circumstances we worry about. Lusting for revenge and arguing with ourselves is a form of not trusting God to help us make good decisions. Lust and having no trust in God are sins. Unforgiveness fuels our lust for revenge. Typically, forgiveness and reconciliation are the same thing if given a chance. God allows us to forgive our shortcomings, which enables us to forgive others. It is said that a person cannot move forward if they cannot let go of the past. Jesus, in Luke 23:34, shows that forgiving evil helps reconcile the world, and He asks God to “forgive them because they know not what they do.”
Why do our everyday routines involve forgiveness and the need to be forgiven? Whether we call it the Holy Spirit or our conscience, that little voice in our heart and mind talks to us every moment of every day. Could this voice be God trying to open our eyes to see how forgiveness will show us the pitfalls and blind spots we are about to encounter? Being actively involved in forgiving and trying to justify our actions gives us peace of mind, allowing for a more satisfying life. Once we have entered into the process of forgiving ourselves and others, we are helping to heal our wounds both physically and mentally. Ephesians 4:31-32 suggests, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
The truly unique thing about forgiveness is the feeling you enjoy when forgiveness is sincere and truly in your heart. The best part is that you do not have to share forgiveness with anyone. You can forgive someone, and they may never know that they have been forgiven. Forgiveness is between you and God and does not require sharing it with anyone else. Oftentimes, the evil in this world would consider your kindness and forgiveness a sign of weakness. The truth is, we are strongest when we forgive each other. We must remember that God is in the forgiveness business and would love to see us follow His example. Proverbs 24 reminds us to take no pleasure in our enemies’ failures. Whatever ill will we are carrying, our burden would be lighter if we gave it away. God is always there for us to ask for help when needed. We will be much better off when we realize God’s help is always needed. Micah 7:18 “Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love.”