Most of us have a much higher opinion of ourselves than what most everyone else has of us. We tend to look in the mirror and smile while working hard to get that last hair to lay down in just the right place. We know that we are the best at our jobs and more dependable than anyone else at work. We tend to place ourselves in charge of all family decisions because no one else can do it better. Do we have to ask just what would the world do without us? We think of ourselves as being very important and if you don’t believe it just ask us. Could we be suffering from being delusional or are we just battling with vanity? “Vanity is most certainly not a virtue to be admired, as it indicates shallowness in character as well as an unhealthy obsession with the self. Self-assuredness is a quality you could be looking at if looking for a ‘good’ quality where one has a positive opinion of oneself, without the excessiveness or negative connotations of vanity” (Staff, n.d.) For vanity 2 Timothy 3:1-8 states, “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” In regards to self-assuredness Romans, 12:3 tells us, “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.”
There is nothing wrong with having strong self-esteem and respect for one’s self. We have been taught from an early age to wash your face, tuck in your shirttail, comb your hair. As we got older, we heard that your appearance had a lot to do with you being successful. At the police department, we were told to look professional and to look and act like we knew what you were doing whether or not you truly did. Most of everyone’s mother and aunts told us how pretty we were while our friends made fun of our big nose. It is easy to see why we all could have a problem with being a little vain. Wanting the brand name best-looking clothes, having a highly respected job title, and living in the better part of town seem important. “Being vain is having or showing an undue or excessive pride in one’s appearance or achievements, marked by futility or ineffectualness, vain efforts to escape, having no real value.” (Staff, Merriam Webster, n.d.)
It sometimes takes a special effort to not succumb to the ever-present vanity. Some fail this test and become narcissistic. Being vain comes with certain problems but being narcissistic is a personality disorder. 1 Peter 5:5-6 gives caution stating, “Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,”
“Vanity is considered to stem from pride, which is one of the 7 deadly sins. People don’t like to admit that they’re vain. In fact, the vainest among us are probably the least likely to admit it. There are 2 basic categories of vanity: physical appearance and the achievement of success. Fashion models and athletes are vain in the sense of wanting to be attractive. People who purchase expensive products are vain in the sense of wanting to look successful. In downward social comparison, you make yourself feel better by viewing yourself as more fortunate than others. The converse process also applies. In upward social comparison, you feel far worse about yourself if you see (or believe) that someone is outdoing you.” (Whitbourne, 2014) Ecclesiastes 2:11 reminds us, “Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.” How many times have we all worked hard on something to realize later on that it was not that big of a deal? Sometimes the temporary vanity turns into a disappointment. “Psychologists who study vanity emphasize that it entails an excessive concern over physical appearance and achievements, along with an inflated self-view. The personal costs of vanity go beyond the attribution of shallowness and narcissism that it earns us in social life. Recent research findings suggest that in our efforts to maintain a desired public image through vain behaviors, we often end up harming ourselves in other ways. (Smith, 2017)
Shawn Young, from Algonquin College, suggested that “It’s all about ego, and self-worth. However, it doesn’t necessarily have to be based on truth which is where narcissism comes into play. We have an ever-growing problem with delusions of grandeur. People seem to feel more entitled, and egotistical, more now than ever before. You owe me this, I should have that. Why? It wasn’t earned. You want it given. That in itself is the narcissism that also lends to vanity. False pride is still pride. You believe that something is really good when it’s not. Ego, self-centered, grandeur. All notions of narcissism which do lead to vanity.” Professor Jordan Phoenix teaches that “Vanity is a shallow and unfulfilling form of living; typically based upon one or several of these underlying issues: Allowing society to dictate what success means rather than defining it for oneself, surrounding oneself with group thinkers rather than seeking out friends and mates who strive to create unique, independent thoughts & philosophical wisdom, feeling inadequate; and like one has to impress others due to traumatic life experiences in the past. To eradicate it, understand that nothing external will ever satisfy you. No matter how great something is, you will get bored of it in a few days or weeks. Then it’s back to square one. Figure out what you were put on this earth to do. What gift do you have that makes life amazing for other people? Figure out the answer to this question, and start giving it away for free.” It seems that everyone has an opinion but they all seem to agree that vanity needs to be controlled and not allowed to ruin a person’s life. We need to appreciate our talents and be thankful for our health and well-being. If we can control this the joy will be true and we will not need the vanity to be happy. “Research also shows that this willingness to incur personal costs in service of a desired public image is often seen as the distinguishing feature of vanity, separating it from garden variety pride and general self-presentational concerns. It is this aspect of vanity that reveals why some marketing researchers worry about the societal effect of ‘vanity appeals’ in which impressionable adolescents can be influenced to make costly purchases of clothing and cosmetics. Also, any number of risky sexual behaviors (e.g., failure to use condoms because it seems “uncool”), and other behaviors aimed at enhancing one’s one public appearance (e.g., dieting, steroid use), maybe partially motivated by vanity.” (Smith, 2017) This is addressed in Matthew 23:1-39 states, “Then Jesus said to the crowds and his disciples, “The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses’ seat, so practice and observe whatever they tell you—but not what they do. For they preach but do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger. They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long.”
“Ben Franklin recognized the unappealing reputation of vanity. ‘Most people dislike vanity in others, whatever share they have of it themselves; but I give it fair quarter wherever I meet with it, being persuaded that it is often productive of good to the possessor, and to others that are within his sphere of action; and therefore, in many cases, it would not be altogether absurd if a man were to thank God for his vanity among the other comforts of life.’ What did Franklin mean by this fascinating statement? Perhaps, he is suggesting that vanity, however unappealing it is in exaggerated forms, may stimulate some of the remarkable things that we create — even though we may appear vain when we reflect on them. Yes, vanity can come with social and personal costs, but, all in all, it’s something to be thankful for. Without this powerful motive ever driving us, would human achievements be quite as remarkable and resplendent? “ (Smith, 2017) If we were not driven by our egos and have a certain amount of vanity, we would probably not be driven to do much other than our basic needs. It becomes obvious that vanity like a lot of other things is good in moderation but becomes dangerous when out of control. It is believed that Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes. In Ecclesiastes 1:1-18 he states, “The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem. Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity. What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun? A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever. The sun rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises.” Tom Howe, Professor of Bible and Biblical Languages writes in The Daily Hatch that, “Although the tone of the book as a whole seems to be pessimistic, Qohelet (Solomon) is not a pessimist. Rather, his goal is to demonstrate that life is meaningless, unless one lives it in the fear of God, keeping His commandments and enjoying life as a gift from Him.” Solomon goes on to remind us that we need to “Fear God and keep his commandments for God will bring every deed to judgment. “So if we understand and believe this puts our ego and vanity in proper perspective.
Smith, R. (2017, 11 11). Psychology Today. Retrieved from The Cost of Vanity: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/joy-and-pain/201711/the-costs-vanity
Staff. (n.d.). English Stack Exchange. Retrieved from Vainity : https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/234834/does-the-word-vain-necessarily-have-a-negative-denotation-or-connotation
Staff. (n.d.). Merriam Webster. Retrieved from Merriam Webster Dictionary: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/vain
Whitbourne, S. K. (2014, 3 1). Psychology Today. Retrieved from Ullfilment at Any Age – High Cost of Vanity: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201403/the-high-cost-vanity